Monday, October 12, 2009

The other woman... (or man)

I am at a confused place at this moment, a place where my understanding is still unclear as to what some people are thinking when they make certain decisions...

I know the title is "the other women" but it goes the same for men as well. Why do some women (& men) choose to settle for being that person on the side of a marriage or committed relationship?
I know in some situations it is almost avoidable, for example; you meet someone of the opposite sex (or same sex) and you guys are feeling each other... all is working in your favor that person has everything you are looking for in a companion. they are there when you need them most, supportive of each and every decision you make in life... the only problem is, this person is married (or living with someone) and they have forgotten to share this small important piece of information with you. Of course you never think anything about it because this persons seems to answer every time you call, and when they don't answer~ they make it a point to call you back. There is never an issue of the two of you going out to dinner or movies. There are even nights when he/she stays with you for the night or several nights in a row... So for those who truley don't know and only find out because the significant other calls your number or you stumble upon your lover and the significant other. This is no fault to you, your lover is an asshole.
To this day I am still confused on how the heck that happens! If my husband comes home an hour after his usual time, I am worried and making phone calls. If he starts staying out nights and days at a time, there is probably something we need to talk about... immediatly!
But back to the subject at hand... my question for those who know... Why do you do it?

Please help me understand. Especially those of you who have met or know the significant other. I have always said "it takes two to tango" but as I get older I have found that it only takes "one" to say "NO" I know that some lovers are liers~ They tell beautiful lies and play on your sympathy for example;
"I'm going through a divorce, I'm separated; I stay because they threaten to take my kids if I leave"

And then there are those of you who really have no respect for marriage or commitment and make moves on those married or committed women/men... is it for the thrill, or is it to say you have accomplished something. I have heard some women I work with say things like "his wife thinks her stuff doesn't stink, I should tell her to ask her husband how mines smells"................... ummm, hello? what is that all about?

When I question, Why do you lay with a person who is committed/married to someone else. The response is normally "if that person was committed they wouldn't be with me" I always feel the need to say, "if you didn't open your legs he wouldn't be laying with you and would probably try to fix his home" but instead, I raise an "are you serious eyebrow" and keep my mouth shut~ hell my husband can be telling me daily he loves me and laying down beside another woman (or this woman) everyday and I'm the only one in the dark!

I sometimes just look for some reasoning behind the thinking of these people. It's like monogomy, commitment, and marriage has become a joke in todays society. There are so many people out there willing to lay with anothers partner and for what reason?
where are the morals, values, SELF RESPECT, and love for self??
I KNOW it takes two people to make anything happen, but has anyone ever stop to ask; why am I doing this? If I do this, what kind of person does this make me? How would I feel if the shoe were on the other foot?
What are you looking for when you do this? do you accomplish some great power for this? is it gifts, love, the thought of a relationship even if it's part time on your behalf? what happens when your lover can't come see you due to plans already made at home or the plans change because home has to be taken care of first... do you get upset? call the house and tell? cry? How do you feel after laying with your lover and you lover getting up showering and leaving to go home to the family?

Please by all means, comment and let me know how a person truley feels being the one stepping in on a relationship. Let me know how you feel at the end of the day, do you love? do you feel loved? how does it feel and what is it really all about?

It reminds me of a song by nina simone title "the other woman" If you don't know it, listen to it, the words are real, the feeling has to be just as lonely.

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