Thursday, October 29, 2009

Can you feed a family of 6 for $4 a week?

Kathy Spencer of Massachusetts can!  If i didn't see the story on Good Morning America today, I wouldn't believe it either.  This mother of 4 has mastered the art of using coupons (hey, this my own personal opinion!)  She is able to shop to feed her family of 6 by only buying what is free or close to free, how you ask? (because I did) It starts with her sitting down once a week scanning for coupons in newspapers, circulars, and online.

The first tip she shares is for you to check your stores policy on using multiple coupons for the same order... to show how this worked, she showed 7 coupons for $1 off fresh seafood, instead of buying 4lbs of seafood and getting one dollar off of the final price, she ordered 7 small orders that totaled $1 dollar or less, using her $1 off coupons she automatically saved $7 bucks getting her seafood purchase for.... FREE!

Another tip was to stock pile store credit~  apparently many stores offer store credits in dollar amounts that can be used toward your next shopping trip (reeeally~ how come I haven't heard of this???)  For Kathy, these store credits help cover what coupons don't!

Tip 3, ask the store if any of your coupons can be doubled.  (another lesson I learned)  Many stores will let you double coupons up to 99 cents... this coupon thing is serious!

In the world of t.v magic~ we go from the grocery store and end up in the CVS parking lot... why you ask?  because Kathy uses a tool called the "Extra Care Box" which leads us to tip 4.  Many drugstores will let you combine their store coupon with a manufacturers coupon (just ask!)  by doing this, Kathy purchased a cart full of items that came to a small drugstore total of $79.26 after her coupon discounts, the total was $0.05.... (and scene)

Back in the grocery store, Kathy has finished her shopping and is having her items rung up, the total cost for her groceries, $267.23, after the lady at the register subtracts for the handful of coupons, Kathy's bill comes to a whopping $0.01!  YES, that says 1 cent, a penny, the round copper one many of us step over when we walk down the sidewalk... A PENNY FOR GROCERIES!!!  My mouth fell, my only comment:  "REALLY???"  Diane Sawyer must have been thinking the same thing by the look on her face when the camera went back to the studio.  What did I get from this segment of GMA?  "By only focusing on what you can get for free" (<--- Kathy's words) a person CAN feed a family of 6 for only $4!!!

Priceless tips that I will never take the time to use.... not because it's not worth the time, I"m just to lazy to spend the time looking, asking, and doing!





http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Parenting/mom-feeds-family-week/story?id=8463295
http://www.workitmom.com/interviews/detail/8393/kathy-spencer-founder-how-to-shop-for-free

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

when should one post a comment on a blog???

I have found that many people write blogs for a number of reasons; to express how they feel, share their views of life, the world, their artistic side, hobbies, etc... which brings to me my question,

when should one post a comment on another's blog?

I figured, if you happen on a blog and enjoy the material inside, you do one of three things; comment, follow, or move on to the next blog.  I did just that... comment, follow, move to the next blog.  There are a few things I have interest in, making gift baskets for my friends, understanding the teenage mind, family, painting, renovating old spaces (well, watching and helping when needed), along with some others I haven't even started yet... 

Last night, as I sat next to hubby and read countless entries written throughout the day, I stumbled on one;  a happy blogger who purchased a house the was once owned by a grandmother, they discussed the memories and how much they enjoyed their youth there, the author has started to renovate the property (pics were included) and it goes on with the details of the renovation...  Stories like this always catch my attention, especially when there is a history behind the renovation, I love to see the beginning stages of a project right to the finished project.. Being a welder, I have always felt a great sense of accomplishment when I started my projects with nothing more than a sheet of metal or missing sections of pipe and could see the end project after a hard 3+ days of work ..  Inspired by this house renovation i left the following comment:

"can't wait to see the end result!" (and requested to follow the progress)

Today the post was deleted with a note that said, "...as proud as i am of it (the house) and the work that I have done, it should really only be shared with my closest friends..."

That makes sense... I guess, on a public site, open for all to see.. no, not really- it actually made me feel like a stalker or something... Does leaving a comment on someones post make you stalker like? does it freak some people out?  do people actually post blogs to be shared with friends ONLY (yet make sure the settings are for all to view)?  I guess many people post but don't want comments added to their page, they probably use this as a place to express who they are, their thoughts, and ideas...

Maybe if someone left me that comment I could have read it as... "can't wait to see the end result... I'll meet you there!!!"  Or, "I can't wait to see the end result... so that I can rob you blind of your ideas!" or "I can't wait to see the end result... so I can move in next door and stalk you daily!"  Did I mention I can follow this person on twitter OR check them out on my space???  HOLY CRAP!  I AM A STALKER! (this info is on the blog btw)

Maybe, I should just get over it and continue to write my daily blah, blah, and all that other stuff... but now I am confused on when to post a comment without making the author feel like their words have been invaded, or maybe stalked, or just plain uncomfortable (or something like that...)

14 y/o



I seem to have lost my way with my 14 y/o.  The first grading period from school brought in 1 C, 2 Ds, and 1 E... (formerly known as the "F")  this is what schools do now adays to keep children from feeling like failures.  The school has set up a system of online grading that gives parents full access to grades earned each week, these grades are updated 2 to 4 times a week for some teachers, once a week for others.  Some of the teachers have all class and homework assignments listed on the site so that parents may view what's due, what was done, and what is coming up in the following weeks. 

Because I have access to this, I am able to see that my 14 y/o has managed to fall from 2 D's to 2 E's and 2 C's, because of this, I do what any parent would do.  Call the school to set up a meeting with the teachers to see what is going on and how we... as a group... can work to fix the problem.  I came out of the meeting feeling a sence of accomplishment with the many alternatives that will my 14 y/o improve and excel this school year... what seemed like a good idea has turned into a joke for him (literally).  I have found him to be the most honest person on earth and all of his teachers are compulsive liers, the way they teach their lessons are confusing (thus 14 y/o doesn't understand ANYthing he has been taught...)  when I asked him if he needed to go into special ed classes (considering EVERY class he has now are the basic fundamental classes) he states, "the classes i have not are not that hard, I just don't understand them.."

He is starting to piss me offt and there is not a day that goes by that he does not make me want to lock him in his room.  Everything is a joke to him, he was asked to do his laundry on Saturday~ it is now Wednesday night and his room smells like dog poo, feet, and old ass.   I asked him to load the dishwasher, he lets the dishes stack up on the sink until I wash them myself.  Today I asked him to rake up the pine needles in the front yard so that I can use them on one of the flower beds... he started at 5 this afternoon... at about 7:30, he was still standing in the middle of the yard with the rake in his hand... Then he has the nerve to say "Can you buy me..."  When I tell him no, he gives me this look like I owe HIM something.  in his mind, his life is so unfair compared to his friends.  His friends are not passing or doing well in school but they all get to go to the party this weekend, doesn't understand that those are not my kids and I don't control what goes on in their house hold.  I'm unfair because he has D's and E's and can't play his playstation or PSP, I'm unfair because he refuses to do his homework so he spends his day in his room instead of watching t.v.  did i mention his teachers are all compulsive liers?  there is a conspiracy against him... 

In 3 years, 14 y/o will turn 18... and will probably NOT graduate...

What does one do with an 18 y/o who has refused to understand that it is time to live on their own?  I left my home 5 months after I graduated from school.  My husband (step-dad) left his home at 17 with a signiture from his parents, Cedric's real dad (loser) still living close to mom, in mom's old house, probably selling drugs for a living and making more babies by as many women as possible paying the bare minimum for child support for each one... 

You know, I remember the time when a person who did not graduate from high school could always find a career in the military.  That is no more, the military has moved from acceptance of all to only taking the qualified person who is willing to work, earn a degree, and motivate others to do the same... McDonalds, great for when you are in high school, cool after high school, even better for someone who has retired and only looking for a couple of hours in their day to make it go by quicker... McDonalds as a career.... I don't know.  Can one do that without a high school diploma or GED?  I really don't think he understands the severity of the future ahead of him. 

He says he wants to be an astronomer~  I don't take his dreams away by reminding him he isn't even passing Earth Science... the most basic of science offered next to special classes- I don't knock him down... I keep the dream alive.  But I do ask why he wants to do this job, he says, "it's not hard work, they only look at stars and study the galaxy..." 14 Y/O!!!  this is what he thinks!!!

I'm just really aggitated, he has no grasp of the reality ahead, the reason he fails is because our rules make him fail, the teachers lie about his work, and he doesn't understand anything they teach.  his life is everyone elses fault, not his.  I'm at a loss, what direction does one go?  can't send him to the worst place ever (his dad) he'll be the biggest loser ever (not in a good lose weight way either!) what ever... the more i type the more pissed off i become...

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

grocery list...


For those who don't know, I am currently trying to figure out what my next move for a career may be.. As of late, my days are spent clearing out the junk I have accumulated over the last 8 years, I drop off and pick up the kids from school and daycare, work on my resume, clean house, search the internet for quick and easy (yet delicious) recipes for the weekly menu (feel free to post some of your quick, easy, & yummy recipes), and track needed items on a shopping list I keep posted on my fridge...

Today Verizon came by to start the installation of the whole Fios thing, it will take 4 to 6 hours to run the cable outside of my house so I figured, why not make the most of this time and go out to do some grocery shopping for the week...

When most people make out their grocery list, they use either a sheet of notebook paper, scrap paper, generate a shopping list online, or use some nifty app provided through what ever phone device they have these days.  My list of choice comes from an app I found for my blackberry.  I made my master list of items I buy when we do our bi-weekly shopping trip, another small list of items that are not used daily but are a part of the weeks menu, and a third list for those items listed on the fridge that we need right now.... 

Once I get to the store, I get my cart, pull out all the coupons needed for the trip, open the list on my handy blackberry, and get to shopping.  Many of the women that shop at the same store have list of some sort; it's either written, typed, on their i-phones, blackberries, laptops.... wait a minute... did i say laptop you ask?  why yes I did!  I actually did a double take when I saw an open laptop in a shopping cart slide in the spot next to me...  My first thought is 'what's the deal with the laptop', my curious (AKA: nosey) side said 'look at it'... so i did, and on this laptop is a grocery list. 

A well organized grocery list with quantities, price comparisons, and cute little pink check off boxes! hmmm... 

Now a days, it's not unusual to take a laptop out and about with you.  I take my laptop when Landon and I go to the indoor play area at the mall, McDonald's play space, or to the park...  I take my laptop to the library when i need complete quiet from the interruptions at home... but I can't seem to recall the last time I took it to the grocer.. When I generate my shopping list on my laptop, I normally just print it off before I walked out the door.  maybe this is a new trend I am not aware of, kind of like wearing a scarf with a short sleeve shirt in the dead of summer, although trendy, it seems a bit odd...

Monday, October 26, 2009

hubby comes home today!

So, I spent the weekend without hubby (with kids) this is something he has done by himself , off and on, for periods of up to 8 months or longer (over a period of 4 years...)  Since I have retired from my first career, I felt it important for him to enjoy every bit of time needed to relax and enjoy time with his friends, motorcycles, garage time, and as always "me" time!  This weekend was friend time, he flew up to Cincinatti to watch Sunday's game with some of the guys from the motorcycle forum.  While he was gone... I was bored, slept like crap which made me super crabby and tired all day, resorted to eating junk (with the kids) vice healty meals he enjoys for me to cooking for him, I did work on my resume... a little... watched the first two seasons of "The Office" a Cake Boss marathon, and read countless blogs right up until the wee hours in the morning.  Well it's Monday~ sweetie will be home at 1 pm.  I am glad to say that he is on his way home... Oh! and he had a really great time!




Scott and Hubby (hubby on the right)

Sunday, October 25, 2009

cake boss...

AWESOME show!

6:33 p.m.

my 4 y/o is looking through the cabinets for a snack (again)
my 14 y/o is doing the same...

"Get out of my way loser" (4 y/o)

      "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"  (14 y/o)

"Get out of my way... LOSER!"  (4 y/o)

     "Oh! I thought you said jerk"  (14 y/o)


ummm, what did I just miss??? Is being called a jerk worse than being called a loser?  both words are pretty mean......

my morning so far...

~ 6:15 am, was waken by an angry 4 year old who said his eyes were burning because i fell asleep with the tv on last night...
~ can't sleep angry 4 y/o wants oatmeal... "right now!"
~make oatmeal
~pour orange juice
~make coffee
~turn on "monster house" movie for angry 4 y/o
~fall asleep on the couch while 4 y/o watches movie
~wake up to not so angry 4 y/o who needs kisses
~4 y/o asks for a hotdog
~4 y/o asks for a snack
~4 y/o asks for a glass of milk
~4 y/o asks to go to the park
~4 y/o screams when I say "no, it's raining"
~4 y/o wants to watch Tom & Jerry
~turn on Tom & Jerry DVD for 4 y/o
~call hubby to see how tailgate party is going up in Cincinatti
~hang up jealous because I'm not there
~take another nap while 4 y/o lays next to me on the couch and watches Bugs Bunny
~wake up, brush teeth again, blog

Friday, October 23, 2009

I"m sick..



Three days ago Landon did not want to wake up.  His skin and it was so hot to the touch, upon taking his temperature (102.2) it was official he was not going to daycare, I was not going to my effective resume writing class, and he was pretty unhappy that I had to wake him up take his temperature.

I gave him a cool bath, tried to feed him, and let him relax for the rest of the day.  there was more sleeping than relaxing, which i didn't complain about.  This gave me the opportunity to get alot of work completed in the house with out having to rush out the door to pick him up from day care.  For the first time, the house was together and dinner was cooked and ready to serve when Lonnie came home from the gym.... this does not happen to often.

Day two the fever fell to 100.2, much better a little more moving around.  I was able to actually get him to put some food in his stomach, offered water he cried for gateraide, hubby said this was okay. so I got gatoraid... red...  A bit more moving, watching television today... definatey feeling a bit better.

Day three... we officially broke 99 degrees!  although he keeps telling me he is not feeling well he has o problem asking me to stop by Kroger for skittles...  I get skittles and he enjoys them on our ride out to the garden center to buy plants for te front of the house.  He is so helpful sticking by the cart, helping me push it, and not running away from me getting lost among the maze of shrubs, flowers, and trees offered at the center.

Today he woke up and said he felt horrible and could not go to daycare.  After taking his temperature and it reading 98.6, I tell him we will have to go see the doctor at the hospital to which he replies, "I don't feel that bad but my body hurts mommy"  This may be true, he has spent the first 3 days in bed.  we go to a meeting with my oldest son's teachers at the high school, I bribe him with the wonderful taste of sprinkled dougnuts from Dunkin Doughtnuts if he is able to sit still for the meeting.  I think he may still be getting over his fever because he manages to sit still... FOR 45 MINUTES!!!

We make our trip to DD, come home and he relaxes for about 3 hours while i work in the back yard.  Comes outside and says he wants to go to the park.  We spend 2 hours at the park, come home play a computer game for about an hour, watch t.v for 30 miniutes.  terrorize oldest brother for and hour, eats dinner and then sits down to watch 30 minutes of Tom and Jerry...  I would say he feels much better, this makes me feel relaxed that I have my rough little boy back to normal!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Instant coffee???


Who would have guess that instant coffee would taste like this???  I was never a coffee drinker, actually never even thought of drinking it.  I met Lonnie October of 1997... He invited me down to Florida to hang out over the weekend.  Barnes and Noble was the one place I had always enjoyed spending my free time, something I had never noticed in B&N was Starbucks... I didn't drink coffee so why would I???

As I looked for a book to read during the time he was at work, he disappeared and returned with coffee in hand (yuk).  Ten years later I have taken on this love for the early morning begal and warm brew while I checked emails in preparation for my day.  Normally Lonnie makes the coffee, he grinds the beans, puts just the right amount into the perculator, and adds the perfect amount of cream and sugar for an awesome cup.
About two weeks ago, Lonnie brings me a card that has a small packet attached to it...

"what is it?"
"It's instant coffee from Starbucks, I brought you one home so you could try it..."
"yeeaaaa, probably not going to happen..."

Instant coffee has never been a favorite of mine and what the heck was Starbucks thinking packaging instant coffee???  On one dragged out morning when I really needed a quick pick me up to get my day going, I decided, it's either try to grind enough beans for two cups, drive to Starbucks for coffee, or boil me some water and hope for the best....  I am surprised to say, I actually enjoyed my instant coffee from this sample my husband brought home for me to try.  Not at all what I expected, it has a bold taste and smells great.  Now when I need a quick pick me up with out the drive down te way, the whirl of my coffee grinder. or the sound of the perculator.  I boil me a small pot of water, pour, and enjoy... I'm hooked.... almost!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Can I touch it???

I was looking through some old photos today and found some that made me laugh.  The pictures are from July 2007, Landon was 2.  We came outside to do yard work and get a bit of sun when three young squirrels showed up from nowhere.... and didn't leave!  they climbed Lonnies leg, ran after Landon as he rode his bus, they even let Landon touch and pet them...  All my husband could say was "this is odd for squirrels, they will bite your finger off for getting this close!"





Thursday, October 15, 2009

I baked!!!


Yes!!! I BAKED!!! not from a box, completely from scratch!!! (well not completely, I bought canned pumpkin puree...)  Lonnie asked for pumpkin loaf about a week ago so I set out to find it in a package of "just add water" (or milk)  Unfortunately, I could not find it this way so I had to utilize the next best resource to making yummy desserts (quick and easy)... the internet.  What I found is there is no real "quick and easy" way to make cakes, breads, and other baked goods.  Sooo, I found a receipe that worked with my time, budget, and skill level.  Thankfully I had every ingrediant needed in my pantry... with the exception of the pumpkin.  The question is do I make it from scratch (buy the pumpkin, scoop, cook, puree...) or is there an easier way,  the recipe said I can use a can of pumkin puree... NOT PUMPKIN PIE FILLING!!!  pure pumkin puree (check)  It was pretty easy to find thanks to my local commisary. 

As i was standing in my clean kitchen last night (thanks to good information provided from SAHM Amanda) I kind of felt like baking something... I guess a clean kitchen does this to a person...  I opened up the recipe on my laptop, took out everything I needed and went to work (rinsing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher as I went...) I took out my 3 loaf pans filled them evenly and popped them in the oven for 1 hour.  The whole house smelled of pumpkin spice, Landon came in the kitchen to let me know it smelled delicious and he couldn't wait to taste.  An hour later out came my bread, one to eat immediately (taste so awesome fresh and warm from the oven) one for the next day, and one for the ladies at my husband's work (only IF the first one we tasted was good!)  I was super excited about my bake from scratch pumpkin loaf.  It was more work than i thought but fun no less!

I made it out the door~


It's a gray, chilly, wet day... I got up from my slumber, dressed in my work out gear, took Landon to daycare and then decided to skip the gym all together.... I came back home picked up the first magazine I saw on my table and saw the words "SHRINK YOUR BELLY" on the front cover of Women's Health... Since I have been staying home, I have managed to gain about 7 pounds- all which seem to gravitate right... around... the mid section... BELLY included~  With that "read", I got up and made tracks to the gym.  How is that for motivation!!!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

more yard finds..

I haven't found out what the funky looking pink thing in my yard is but since i have started my new venture in keeping my yard beautiful (and getting that "yard of the month" sign planted in my front yard), I have found some pretty interesting mushrooms and fungi lately... The newest finds in my yard:













I still do not know what this is....  If you have an idea
please share!

SAHM~ GO LADIES!!!

For the last month i guess you can say I have taken on the role of stay at home mom...

kind of~  The  schedule of a SAHM is far more work than I ever imagined!  There are schedules, car pools, play dates, lunch and dinners to prepare, budgets to maintain, school events, PTA... I can go on for ever about what these ladies do, this SAHM job is real deal!!! your job you think you work so hard at isn't sh*t compared to these ladies (& gents...)

I remember always saying, it must be nice to stay at home and do nothing... reality check!  these ladies are not just "staying home doing nothing".  Husbands~  you should high five, hug, kiss, and tell your SAHM how much you appreciate her every day.  It's a job that I still have not dared to venture into full time! heck, i can't even finish this "to-do" list my husband wrote for me over a month ago...

IT ONLY HAS 10 ITEMS ON IT!!! 

All day child care???? still paying daycare~ 

Dinner ready when sweetie comes in from a hard day of work... I don't even know what I'm cooking for dinner when he comes home from work!!

maintaining the budget... please, i spent $134.92 just today alone... for clothes and other items I know I didn't need! (not to mention I didn't even think about what was for dinner when i was shopping!) 

As a matter of fact my day went something like this..

convinced Landon he WANTED to go to daycare (so i could get some time alone) he was NOT happy and expressed how much he wanted to stay home or go to Theresa's instead...

















Went to the gym... didn't even run or break a real sweat, just checked it off in the box because i haven't been in almost a week!
















Stopped for coffee...


Stopped at the library to find a book about working from home (just in case..)


fixed the broken spout on the water hose....


so i could water the grass I am trying to grow...


I went down the street to pick up Landon from daycare, felt sleepy after that so, I took a nap until hubby got home.  Complained I needed help getting the old vents off of the house, watched him take them off, watched him rake the yard, watched him mow the lawn, remembered I had no idea what was for dinner so I went inside.... 

Stood in the kitchen for about 30 minutes thinking "hmmmmm, what's-for-dinner", checked my email, sent a few text, opened a bottle of wine, drank wine, checked facebook, drank wine, checked email, drank wine, checked on Landon because he was screaming, drank wine, and then thawed out some chicken to make a quick meal of chicken and mushroom gravy with rice and green beans... 

I have another month to get it together before i have to get a job, any advice on how to do this the right way???

Monday, October 12, 2009

The water heater (old post dated 6/22/08)

So, late Wednesday night while Lonnie was in the garage working on the motorcycles he comes in the house and says, "babe, i need you to come and look at something" I go out to the garage where I see our water heater leaking water onto the floor. I tell him he has to turn it off (so not to cause an explosion!) and because I'm a woman~ he calls his brother to get his take on the situation.... Needless to say, his brother tells him to turn it off so it doesn't cause an explosion. Can someone tell me why men don't listen to us women? It wrinkles my britches when my husband comes back to me and tells me "THE SAME THING" I just told him~ Does it mean the statement is true because it came from a male friend/brother/uncle/dad? (I love him so!)

Anyway, the next morning as he is working so hard as a network administrator, I am looking for a new water heater. I realize I have to find a way to get it to the house. He arrives at Lowe's and says, "We'll put it in the car" I laugh.... It starts raining, he's able to fit the water heater in the car... I stop laughing. Then he says "We need to buy a truck" (I start laughing again) so we get home and I go to work taking the old heater out and installing the new one. As i am cleaning the threads of the gas valve I tell my husband i need a soft brush~ he brings me a wire brush (and it's NOT a non-sparking wire brush) he realizes this mistake and gets another soft bristle brush. As I'm applying pipe sealant to the gas valve he starts talking to his brother on the phone next to me.... and decides to light a cigerette... I'm not the smartest person in the world, but, I kind of think to myself, the gas appears to be out, I don't smell anything but hey, you never know when you are working RIGHT next to the gas valve.. Sooooo I calmly (and sarcasticly) say "Sweetie, I feel reeeal comfortable with you standing right next to me smoking that 'ciggi' in your hand, I mean I AM only installing a GAS water heater and all" He thinks about this statement and replies "you're probably right babe" and goes outside to finish his conversation. Once I get everything connected and ready for test (test sat) He stands back and says "Good job babe, we work good together" Did I miss something???

Sam said it... "Don't buy guitar hero! it ruins relationships!!!" (old post dated 5/1/09)

Soooo, several weeks ago I mentioned to Sam that I was going to buy guitar hero for hubby, as I finished putting baby down for the night Lonnie and Brian are having an intense conversation over where to "pick it up" (they have been working on motorcycles for the last few weeks so I'm thinking motorcycle parts..) they disappear at about 8 45 PM and return about 20 minutes later~ guitar hero in tow... they eagerly set it up and commenced the challenge, at abot 2:55 in the morning I am being waken from a dead sleep being told "let's go to bed sweetie" in other words; he got it before I did... At first it seemed harmless, now I find that if I want any time alone with Lonnie I will have to make sure it is nowhere near a house with a t.v or any type of game system that contains "guitar hero" in the sit- on- your- ass- for- hours- at- a- time- and- ignore- everyone- around- you- collection that some people refer to as video games. The funny part is I WAS WARNED!!! I think the exact words were something like... "If you want any time with your husband, DO NOT but that game"

So now my down time consist of watching a television that once contained images of discovery channel/FOXnews/BRAVO and HGTV have been replaced and overtaken by two 30 something men watching primary colored pucks scroll quickly down what looks to be a runway (damn I miss project runway....)
Men... that's all I can say about that~

HATIN'~ A letter to a friend about "hatin"

As I was cleaning out "My Documents" folder I came across a letter I had written to a co worker and liked so much that I kept it for a future journal entry upon my return to the states...

The letter is to a young man who felt it his duty to let me know that some young girls felt my hair was not "neat in appearance" and that I needed to perm my hair and stop wearing it the way I do. Before he got into the specifics of the conversation he was having with this group of young women I stopped him and said calmly, "if they are talking about me, that's okay~ I pay my bills," then I walked away to go an appointment to make a video for my family…. The next morning as I listened to some young girls talk about another young lady who is low key and kept to herself, I decided to write the young man with this response to the young girls who were "hatin" on me for wearing my hair.... natural:

9 February 2008



Hey
I hope I didn't seem rude last night when you were telling me someone was "hatin'" on me~ I was running late for my video appointment (united through reading-- gotta read to the kids!) so I must first say sorry for being rude.
As for the "haters", there is one thing I can say about that word and those who do/use/live by it, and you can run this by all of those young females who, I'm almost positive, are all black, and you can also share this with those young females who feel the need to put down other black women because they lack self esteem/respect for self…. Unfortunately, when your adult mind runs on 16 (age that is…) and you have not done anything for yourself, you tend to spend more time gossiping and hating vise getting yourself to any level higher than where you are currently sitting.

If you ever sit back and observe me... You will notice a few things about me~ I don't gossip, I can care less about anyone else's business, I see good in many and talk to everyone unless they bring negative energy or they just do not leave that warm and fuzzy you normally get from good people… (those people I avoid speaking to all together)

I'm 37, I drive a decent car, even if it's not an expensive one. I own a house, my husband works setting up computer networks, I am going to school for small business management and taking the time to learn what the steps are to starting my own business, this way I do not have to rely on my husband to take care of me…. I'm happy not keeping up with the Jones' and staying real with the Subletts'. Other than my house and car- I have no real debts holding me back from those expensive items that "identify" our status among our friends and those who do not know us… I prefer to live within (or below) my means. I did not grow up rich and there is no reason for me to pretend I am now~ I'm in the Navy for goodness sake!!

I have two kids, My bills are my kids, my mortgage, and those associated with having a home. My hair is natural because I love it this way. I keep a low profile because it is who I am. I don't cheat or put myself in any position for anyone to question my loyalty to my family or the respect I have for my husband- I feel God intended for married people (and mothers)to respect one another, take care of home, and live by the vows presented before him…..

Anytime anyone says something about me, it is a reminder to myself that I am being thought about! When I was younger I did what these girls do now. It took a woman who had a great amount of respect for self to ask me "Why are you disrespecting that girl like that? Is it because she doesn't talk to you? Or is it because she keeps to herself? Maybe it is because there is a quality and respect she has for herself that you do not posses… Tell me, why are you disrespecting that woman like that?"

I thought about this question for a long time. In the end I found that "hatin' " on other people made me feel good about myself since I was not on the level that they were at.. It did not take long for me to find that, if I focus my attention on getting where these other "women" are~ instead of envying them for "what" they do and "where" they are, I too would be a better, more confidant person…. You know what, it paid off. Instead of seeing another black woman who is more beautiful, more successful, full of talent and energy and then turning to my girl to whisper, "she thinks she is all _____ or ____" I now look at that woman and say, I want to talk to this woman, get on her level, see where/how she got to where she is now. This helps me improve on a process that I have found to be a never ending project, a never ending process of self improvement….

I'm a country girl from KY. I grew up poor and unspoiled in my younger years and turned out to be a strong woman that a many respect and look to for advice.. That's who I am today..

There is more I can say but I have to go, there aren't enough minutes, hours, or seconds in the day to even attempt to get my young "sistas" on board in an effort to moving from hating each other to looking out for one another, making some positive improvements for in their environment and for themselves.. If they ever take the time to look around them: they'll notice that of all the different ethnicities out there…. Black women are still the main ones who spend more time 'hatin' on one another instead of working together to help move each other in a more positive direction of self awareness, respect for self and respect for those around you.. Tell those young black females to seriously take a look at many of these other groups of women… many have a bond that black women still haven't figured out~ SAD… sad that a lot of us still buy our "weave" from that Chinese woman who owns the shop on the corner when there is a black owned shop 2 blocks away, sad that a lot of us still work for pennies instead of starting our own business, sad we are not helping someone else get their foot in the door, sad that we spend more money on expensive clothes (not that that's a bad thing...) but we need to ensure our bills are paid, stomachs are fed, and our children look twice as good as we do when we walk out the door (priorities people!)

We still haven't learned… Sad that a lot of us are so far in debt but we can't resist buying those shoes because "such and such thinks they are the only ones who can afford them….." Do I really need to go any further??? I want you to help me get our young "sista's" on board… they still have a lot to learn.

Sorry for then vent session, it's not your fault they are left in the dark~ Respect for self is the only thing that will make them feel good about themselves and stop "hatin" on the next woman who already has gained just that:

Respect.

Peace...

Nothing to do (old post dated 5/5/08)

Funny thing (to me anyway)
I left work early today (7:00) so that I could take Cedric (my 13yr old) to his doctors appointment. His appointment is at 9:15 so I figure I'll use about an hour for some "me time". I stop to get gas, get a coffee from starbucks, and pick up a newspaper so that I can catch up on today's world

Unfortunately, I had duty the night before so when I walked into the house the first thing I notice is the kitchen is dirty and the counters are littered with clutter and mail. I'll have to clean the kitchen after work, this is my time. (Note to self: A house full of boys/men means you will always have to clean the kitchen EVEN if you have 24 hr duty the night before...)

Cedric is walking around touching and kicking stuff while sighing loudly so I ask, "What's wrong Cedric" he responds "I'm bored" I tell him to go clean his room. 5 minutes later he's back, leaning on the fridge he sighs again loud enough for me to say.
"What's wrong"

"Well, the doctor's office is right down the street. My appt isn't until 9:15 and it doesn't take long to get there"

"Okay???"

"Sooooo, what are we going to do?"
"I don't know Cedric, it's like 8 o'clock in the morning, what do you want to do, play jacks???" I ask sarcastically to which he replies;

"ummmmm, I don't think we have any jacks"

This is what happens when teenagers get bored!
DOES ANYONE EVEN PLAY JACKS ANYMORE??? I DON'T EVEN HAVE GIRLS IN MY HOUSE, WHY IN THE HELL WOULD I HAVE JACKS IN THE HOUSE????
Teenage boredom boggles me...

My Hugs

my hugs have many different meanings~

when i hug my husband it is to show him that i respect and love him with all my heart and soul. it is my way of showing him i truley adore him and feel secure having him as an important part of my life.

when i hug cedric, it is to let him know that no matter how hard the road to growing from kid to teen to adult may seem. he will come out of his diffucult (trying) journey with a clear view of why i stay on him about his grades, appearance, maintained household rules, and the importance being self sufficient and taking care of self.

When i hug landon it is to show him it is my job to take care of him 100% and no matter how much he says "MOMMY! Don't hug Landon!" It's my way of letting him know i love him and i am happy to have him in my life.

when i hug my friends, it not to say I sympathize/empathize or feel sorry for them, it's to let them know that no matter what they have going on in their lives whether it be good or bad, my hugs are my way of saying "i am here for you" and "i value your friendship".

my hugs are here for those who need them for support, comfort, or just because. they are given to let them know i appreciate having them in my life...

short vs long hair

soooo, Today I didn't feel like messing with my fro so I pulled the trusty old wig out to wear for errands... WTF is the deal with the hair? It's like I put on hair and become an instant black goddess of some sort. Everyone was especially nice at Walmart, the barista at Starbucks said she loved my cut (I told her it was a wig) she went from OMG smile to a lackluster "oh~" and when me and Lonnie went to lunch at hooters a few men did a double take when I walked to our table, the 2 guys behind the counter pointed and waved and... I'm not the smartest person in the world but the girl who served us not only flirted with Lonnie (for her tip) but she damn near sat on my lap for my order.
Now, in my mind. the afro is the sexiest style any laid back black woman could ever sport but lately I have found that people see unpermed hair and immediately think one of two things. 1) black power/pride 2) Gay----- and we all know that  #2 does not apply.....it is definately not a secret that I do have my pride (so what my heart belongs to that white guy!!!)

I'm still confused about the whole hair thing, I thought men were into round butts, tiny waists, and round perky boobs... apparently my afro has not only made me blind, it's also made me stupid.
Oh well, I guess if I'm ever feeling I am not getting enough attention at home I can always put on my wig and go out for the day...

This shit is ridiculous (I perfer the number 2 definition for ridiculous in the Encarta dictionary, north america: "completely silly ; silly and amusing" .... ) PERIOD
Enjoy the day~

I say "I'm married", he says "I know"...



As I was shopping today I was approached by a guy who used to be stationed on my ship. what started off as casual "hey, how you doing? where are you at now?" quickly turned into I always wanted to ask you out to lunch or dinner. do you think we could have lunch together one day???

I’m not sure why I immediately thought he was trying to hit on me... it could have been innocent, right??? It wasn’t~ So as a married woman I feel I should let it be known that I am married to which he responded "I know".... I was somewhat suprised at how nonchalant the response was, as if married people do this type of thing on a regular.
Is this what society has become these days? people say "it’s the military" but I have found that the barriers go past "the military" this has become the norm in society as a whole. women/men willing to "accept" that the person they are approaching have not only a wife/husband at home... but children as well. Some may say how can you put blame on one party (I don’t) I just feel that if you approach a person who says "I’m married" the proper/respectable thing to do is roll out...

Not just respect for the spouse, but RESPECT FOR YOURSELF....
If you seperate yourself from the equation there would probably be less temptation and infidelity going on in the world... hell, who am I fooling. Someone will always want what someone else has, even if they only want it for 30 minutes or more, I guess when things seem off limits or out of reach~ human nature causes us to push the envelope until we get that which is out of reach.

During a discussion a young lady explained to me why she felt men are not meant to be with one woman, it really made alot of sense and I totally respect her opinion but, I truley feel that is less complicated to just stay single and meet casually with a man from time to time especially if you KNOW he will continue to see other women...

So I would ask the public, why accept your wife/husbands infidelities when you can just move on and be with someone who is willing to be happy sharing their life with only you? (I believe those men/women are still out there) I don't feel one should settle for anything less than a woman/man who respects them (and the relationship) wholeheartedly.

There is nothing to be gained from sharing but heartache... I’ve been there~  I could go on and on about the subject of "me" but for some it would be a waste of thought and time,  I really think that people should seriously consider their morals and values the next time they feel the need to overlook the phrase "I’m married"

Can one seriously say :"it’s all about me and the married person is on MY time"?  Do they really come when YOU want them there???... can you truley only want sex with that married person with no attachments/commitments... maybe in the beginning.  unfortunately the human mind doesn't always stay on one track... feelings grow, people fall (in love), and in the end someone gets hurt...  Why bother when there are so many single men/women who are looking for "just sex"... Keep it simple, that way, if you fall, it's a discussion you two single friends with benefits can have concerning "where are we going" vice "what about your wife/husband and kids"?  You better believe that if a married person had any true intentions of leaving home, you would NOT be getting sent straight to voicemail every day after 6PM (on your time...)

Think about it... Who’s time are you really on?
Do they really come when YOU call?
How would YOU feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

I’m still in awe of how relationships and commitment have gotten to be so much like shopping for a new pair of shoes~ you know, pick and choose at will, discard when you are done, or better yet, work hard to keep them clean, in good shape, and reliable for when YOU are ready to explain to the other person that it is time for them to get rid of the ones at home... that are a constant reminder that you are only a borrower of time and sex.. not really a good fit in the shoe eqations of relationships....

Always believe in yourself

As I was cleaning out all the old junk stored in one of the closets. I came across this poem and wanted to share it with you all...

"Always Believe in Yourself"
Get to know yourself. What you can do and what you can not do. For only you can make your life happy.
Believe that by working, learning, and achieving. You can reach your goals and be successful.
Believe in your own creativity as a means of expressing your true feelings.
Believe in appreciating life. Be sure to have fun everyday and to enjoy the beauty in the world.
Believe in love. Love your friends, your family, yourself, AND your life.
Believe in your dreams and your dreams can become more than just a dream.
Anonymous

Landon's new word (old post dated 5/24/08)

When I picked Landon up from daycare today, I buckled him in his car seat, got into the driver's seat, started the car and before driving I took a drink of water. Landon demanded in his always loud voice, "Give Landon water nicca"
Now I'm not the smartest person in the world but I do believe the word he may have used was ni@@a… For those who know me, this is not a word I use and it is not allowed to be said in my house BY ANYONE! I don't think Cedric uses this word and if he does he has never said it in my presence..
I asked the usual questions when he says something no one in the household says: "what did you say?" "nicca" he responds. I ask "who said that word?"
he replies "Landon"
then I ask "did this person say that word?"
"NO"
"did that person say that word?"
 "NO",

I ask several more names to all which he replies "NO".
FAST FORWARD: Lonnie is grilling in the back yard. I am standing on the deck and Landon is standing in the door on the steps. Out of nowhere Landon yells "NICCA"!!

Lonnie's mouth drops to the ground and I think he turned 2 more shades whiter than he already is (Irish people are already pretty pale…) any who, he asks. "Landon! What did you say?" to which he says "nicca" with a smile… We go through the whole Q & A session all over again and the end result is the same that I got earlier in the day when I picked him up from daycare. "Landon, who said that word?"
"LANDON" is all he says and starts laughing out loud….
Sooooo, I'm not sure if he is saying the "n" word or something else, 3 year olds are like parrots and only time will tell…

communication through "I" messages... (old post dated 5/28/08)

Today I spent 4 hours in a training session about domestic violence, stress, finances, and communication. I found the communication portion interesting and decided to post it to see how others communicated through "I" messages.

they say one of the most effective ways to keep communication open is by avoiding "you" messages and by using "I" messages as to avoid putting the other person on the defensive or the one to blame for an unpleasant situation. there are 3 distinct parts of "I" messages... 1) "I feel" 2) "when" and 3) "because I". what you are suppose to do with the messages below is convert the "you" message to an "I" message. It is important to remember to use the words "because I" together because it forces the speaker to clarify the real issue.

I'm curious to see how some people respond, one young lady did the exercise in class and it really confused me... we'll go into that in a bulletin... enjoy and keep communication strong!
EXAMPLE:

YOU message: You drive entirely too fast.

I message: I feel frightened when you drive so quickly because I'm scared we'll get into an accident.

YOUR TURN:

~ YOU message: You never stay home any more

I message: ___________________________

~ YOU message: You're always nagging at me.

I message: _____________________________

~ YOU message: You never want to have sex anymore.

I message: ___________________________

~ YOU message: You're always on the Internet when work needs to be done.

I message: ____________________________

~ YOU message: You never notice what I wear.

I message: ___________________________

~ YOU message: You talk about people too much

I message: ____________________________

Improving communication through "I" messages are suppose to be helpful in working through a sensitive issue... you decide....

13 y/o boys are thinking about girls... (old post dated 5/31/08)

So, today was the Sublett household's day for the today's trading session (Yu-Gi-Oh trading that is) Austin and Paul arrived ON TIME and ready to start. they come in and take their usual spots around the dinner table and began the "lay-out" session, deck collecting, and dueling (they take this sh!t seriously!)
As they are sorting out cards I hear Austin ask, " who painted these pictures in here?" Ced tells him, "my mom, she's like an artist" Austin says "really?" and Ced replies, "well... She's not a PROFESSIONAL artist if that's what you are asking, but I think she does pretty good for it to be a hobby she uses to destress..."
That is from a 13 y/o!
then the subject of girls comes up. Paul asks Cedric, "What's up with _____" (I don't remember her name...) To which Cedric tells him "I don't know what is up with that girl, she doesn't know what she wants..." and Austin chimes in with "Do any of them ever know what they want?"

I tried not to pry or interrupt (unless necessary) because I want to let them feel that they are okay to discuss what ever they felt they had to talk about while enjoying their 2 hour time together... But I can't stop laughing and wondering, What in the world do 13 y/o boys know about girls "Not knowing what they want???"
Preteens.... this is just the beginning!

Landon's vocab continues to grow (old post dated 6/9/08)

So~
Yesterday, Landon and I went to Walmart to purchase a sprinkler for the yard. While there, he walked passed the fish in the pet area. Sooo I decided to buy him a fish, well I wouldn't exactly call Bettas "fish", those things can live in any environment. Any who we purchased a red fish and a blue fish and put them in a quaint tank separated by a wall to keep them from fighting one another...

Once we got them in their own little areas of the bowl I asked "what do you want to name the fish?" to which he responds "they are fish mommy" so I suggest "why don't we call the red fish Oodle and the blue fish Noodle?" he says "the name is fish mommy" fast forward to this afternoon~

I'm sitting on the couch with Landon as he is trying to convince me to cook the fish for dinner. I tell them we can not eat the fish we can feed the fish but not eat the fish. I ask "do you want to to call the fish Oodle and Noodle" and he replied "don't name the damn fish" all I could say was.... "ooookayyy". I got off the couch and went to cook dinner.

I'm thinking I should probably stop cussing~

The other woman... (or man)

I am at a confused place at this moment, a place where my understanding is still unclear as to what some people are thinking when they make certain decisions...

I know the title is "the other women" but it goes the same for men as well. Why do some women (& men) choose to settle for being that person on the side of a marriage or committed relationship?
I know in some situations it is almost avoidable, for example; you meet someone of the opposite sex (or same sex) and you guys are feeling each other... all is working in your favor that person has everything you are looking for in a companion. they are there when you need them most, supportive of each and every decision you make in life... the only problem is, this person is married (or living with someone) and they have forgotten to share this small important piece of information with you. Of course you never think anything about it because this persons seems to answer every time you call, and when they don't answer~ they make it a point to call you back. There is never an issue of the two of you going out to dinner or movies. There are even nights when he/she stays with you for the night or several nights in a row... So for those who truley don't know and only find out because the significant other calls your number or you stumble upon your lover and the significant other. This is no fault to you, your lover is an asshole.
To this day I am still confused on how the heck that happens! If my husband comes home an hour after his usual time, I am worried and making phone calls. If he starts staying out nights and days at a time, there is probably something we need to talk about... immediatly!
But back to the subject at hand... my question for those who know... Why do you do it?

Please help me understand. Especially those of you who have met or know the significant other. I have always said "it takes two to tango" but as I get older I have found that it only takes "one" to say "NO" I know that some lovers are liers~ They tell beautiful lies and play on your sympathy for example;
"I'm going through a divorce, I'm separated; I stay because they threaten to take my kids if I leave"

And then there are those of you who really have no respect for marriage or commitment and make moves on those married or committed women/men... is it for the thrill, or is it to say you have accomplished something. I have heard some women I work with say things like "his wife thinks her stuff doesn't stink, I should tell her to ask her husband how mines smells"................... ummm, hello? what is that all about?

When I question, Why do you lay with a person who is committed/married to someone else. The response is normally "if that person was committed they wouldn't be with me" I always feel the need to say, "if you didn't open your legs he wouldn't be laying with you and would probably try to fix his home" but instead, I raise an "are you serious eyebrow" and keep my mouth shut~ hell my husband can be telling me daily he loves me and laying down beside another woman (or this woman) everyday and I'm the only one in the dark!

I sometimes just look for some reasoning behind the thinking of these people. It's like monogomy, commitment, and marriage has become a joke in todays society. There are so many people out there willing to lay with anothers partner and for what reason?
where are the morals, values, SELF RESPECT, and love for self??
I KNOW it takes two people to make anything happen, but has anyone ever stop to ask; why am I doing this? If I do this, what kind of person does this make me? How would I feel if the shoe were on the other foot?
What are you looking for when you do this? do you accomplish some great power for this? is it gifts, love, the thought of a relationship even if it's part time on your behalf? what happens when your lover can't come see you due to plans already made at home or the plans change because home has to be taken care of first... do you get upset? call the house and tell? cry? How do you feel after laying with your lover and you lover getting up showering and leaving to go home to the family?

Please by all means, comment and let me know how a person truley feels being the one stepping in on a relationship. Let me know how you feel at the end of the day, do you love? do you feel loved? how does it feel and what is it really all about?

It reminds me of a song by nina simone title "the other woman" If you don't know it, listen to it, the words are real, the feeling has to be just as lonely.

I don't understand...

 Today my 14 y/o said he did not understand why he had to do yard work. as a matter of fact he told me "Why don't you just call me 'Chore Boy'"
and I told him I would...




After working my 9 hour day I arrived home to leaf collecting items spread about the drive way, when I came into the house my 14 y/o and his friend Garret are laying in the living room taking turns throwing a ball at my 3 y/o as he ran from room to room.

When I asked what was going on with the stuff in the front and back yard he explainted that he had to rake the leaves and Garrett was helping. when i asked what was accomplished he said, I have a few piles on the side of the house but did't bag them because I didn't have leaf bags...

Okay, well go load the dishwasher~ why do I have to do that?

because the dishes are dirty..

Then I tell him to take out the trash that is overflowing~ Why do I have to do that?

Because the trash is overflowing onto the floor..

From there he was instructed to clean his room~ Why do I have to clean my room?

Because it's dirty..

Then he says "I don't understand why I have to do all these chores" to which I reply.

I don't understand why I have to work to buy you clothes, or work to pay the mortgage for the house you stroll through everyday but complain when it has to be cleaned, I don't understand why I have to work to buy your food so that you can tell me the meals that I cook are boring or suck altogether. I don't understand why I work to buy you 100+ dollar shoes to wear to school when the ones from Payless are just as good (I like them...) I don't understand why I have to work to pay for your flights to visit your friends out of the state every summer when you have friends right down the street. "I don't understand why I work 12 or more hours a day to come home and have you ask me to take you to the store to buy oreos, hershey bars, and mountain dew for your weekend veg fest. I dont understand why I am sitting here having a conversation with a 14 y/o who has not had tv/computer/play station priviledges since school started because he isn't passing... I don't understand why you can't just get a job and pay bills, buy your own clothes, pay your own rent etc.... I don't even understand what your arguent is actually about???

I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!

to which he replies~ "and you never will..."



Did I miss something???

Hey, how are you doing?

why do people greet each other with "hey, how are you doing?" when they really do not want to know how you are?




I ask this because I was greeted today with hey how are you. Instead of letting this person walk buy, i decided to tell them how I was doing today (just to see what would happen) It was interesting to see this person really did not want to know how I was doing, they were just being cordial...



I continued to talk about everything under the sun from getting up early in the morning, to how to work out fat around your mid section, to topics about kids... I know this person was not interested but I continued to talk just to see how long they would stand there while went on about "how I was doing" I'm still giggling, and I'm almost positive that person will not say anything more to me next time they make eye contact other than "Hi"



sometimes I find myself saying "hey, how are you doing" but then once they start saying anything other than fine i usually cut them off by walking away or saying "good" and THEN walking away.(no I'm not rude..) I don't really want to know how alot of people are doing, I guess it's a habit when you make eye contact with someone... funny thought to me, and wanted to share~

Craig's list is horrible (yet I continue to read it...)

Date: 2005-08-28, 7:56PM EDT






40 (Gentle and Not So) First-Person Suggestions For Dealing With (Some But Not All) 40-Something Women:



Number 1 to 10 - Aimed At The Young Men Who Want To Fuck Me:



1. Your high school science teacher was right - gravity rules. What goes up will eventually come down, and to some extent, probably has already. Don't be disappointed, or at least try to hide it if you are.

2. The hot looking 40 year-old women you see on XXX sites on the internet have been surgically altered/retouched/botoxed or are genetic anomalies who are justifiably envied by 98 per cent of womankind.

3. If you're looking for a teacher, tell me up front - not when you're naked and befuddled.

4. If you're looking for a mommy, again, tell me up front. Nothing says cruel disappointment quite like watching a grown man you're planning to fuck morph into a thumb-sucking infant.

5. Older women demand at least a modicum of charm - seduce my mind before you start humping my leg. Flirt with me, compliment me, brush a strand of hair out of my eyes, and most importantly - make me laugh (preferably with you rather than at you).

6. Have some class - at least offer to buy me a drink. I'm worth it, particularly if 3 applies to you. There really is no such thing as a free lunch/drink/dinner etc.

7. Fire up those brain cells and talk to me about politics/finance/world events - smart, worldly men are a turn-on at any age. It's good to know that there's a brain behind the face buried in my coochie.

8. Don't talk about your 21 year-old girlfriend - I know she exists, but I'd rather not hear about her perky breasts and firm, round ass. If you'd rather fuck her, why are you bothering me?

9. Never assume I'm desperate - I'm no raving beauty, yet since I turned 40 (last year) I've been asked out by an impressive number of sexy men of ALL ages.

10. Never, and I mean never, tell me I remind you of your mother/aunt/grandmother, unless you know for certain that I'm a completely filthy and twisted horndog kinkster.



Number 11 to 20 - Aimed At The Men Who Want To Date Me:



11. If YOU ask ME out, at least feign a willingness to pay. I'll probably split the cost or pay for drinks or a movie after dinner, but remember that older women are sticklers for good etiquette. Of course if I ask YOU out, then it's my responsibility to pick up the cheque.

12. If you're looking for a teacher, see 3.

13. If you're looking for a mommy, see 4.

14. Please see 9 and treat me accordingly. You are replaceable, and I'm quite comfortable being alone. No woman (of any age) should be exploited for her insecurities, and the men who do this are pathetic, insecure slimeballs.

15. Show me your great big brain! Admittedly Ashton Kutcher looks about as bright as a stack of pancakes, but he must have more than just a perpetual hard-on to keep Demi Moore coming back for more. Read a newspaper or listen to the news - how does that cliche go about sex being mostly in the mind?

16. Offer to help out with dinner/the dishes/laundry/lawn work or even organizing my lingerie drawers. Many of us have put useless ex-spouses and helpless children behind us, and I for one can live without a man who is unwilling to offer a helping hand.

17. Listen to what's coming out of my mouth before shoving your cock in it - I've been around, and have gained some wisdom along the way.

18. DON'T feel threatened by my career/academic accomplishments. If you prefer to date a bimbo-esque caricature of a woman, be my guest. I'm proud of my achievements, and shouldn't have to downplay them to make you feel like a man.

19. Marriage and monogamy often don't mix. Just because I've never been married doesn't mean I'm not monogamous. Since when has a marriage license guaranteed a faithful spouse?

20. If you want children, be honest from the start. Many 40-something women have either finished breeding or are childless for a reason. Don't waste my time, and I won't waste yours.



Number 21 to 30 – Aimed At The Women Who Think I'm A Desperate Spinster Who Wants To Steal Their Husbands/Boyfriends/Cabana Boys:



21. Harness those brain cells to the yoke of logic for one moment – older women are far less threatening than insecure 21 year-old women desperate to prove they're the libidinal equivalent of catnip. These women feel powerful when they poach a man. Worry about them, not me.

22. If you don't trust your man-thing to be true, this probably suggests that your relationship is on life support. Am I right, or am I RIGHT?

23. Many (though not all) 40-something women still hold feminist beliefs, which means they don't steal the man-things of another. Man theft is bad karma, and I am a glutton for good karma.

24. If he cheated on his wife/girlfriend, odds are he'll cheat on me eventually.

25. Instead of scowling at me for wearing something sexy-yet-respectable, take a good look at your saggy sweatpants and stained bowling t-shirt. Few men get a boner from that combination.

26. If you don't know why I'm still single, ask me. The answer might surprise you, and will no doubt make me seem less like a threat and more like a human being.

27. No one forces us to get married – I won't bow to the societal pressure to be wed and bred.

28. If I innocently flirt with your husband, take that as a compliment to your taste in men. Take it back to your bedroom and lustily show him that you feel lucky to have found him.

29. Wrap your brain around this – some 40-something women are single by choice. This doesn't necessarily mean we're not looking, but for some reason we've pressed the "pause" button.

30. In closing, keep your eyes on your Cabana Boys after all. My windows need a good cleaning.



Number 31 to 40 – Aimed At Women Who Are Afraid Of Turning 40



31. The alternative to turning 40 is death. Which do YOU prefer?

32. Over time you'll discover that the things that used to make you freak out are no longer important. This is a WONDERFUL feeling!

33. Bums will sag, breasts will droop, necks will crinkle, but your brain will blossom.

34. Your car insurance rates will fall faster than your boobs.

35. Young men will still look at you. Old men will look at you. More attention – good!

36. You'll discover that a nice wine buzz feels better than blackout drunkenness, and you won't need to get your stomach pumped in the morning!

37. Your apartment will look and smell a lot better than it did in your 20's.

38. Every time you come across a hysterical young woman bereft over the antics of her bad-boy boyfriend you'll thank your lucky stars you no longer have to deal with that idiocy!

39. You will sign a peace treaty with chocolate AND you will keep stockpiles on hand to help you deal with sadistic bosses, bathing suit season, men in general, etc. etc.

40. The best part? Your sex drive will be off the Richter scale, and the resultant glow will light a path to your door so the hot, young men can find the worldly wise sexy broad you've become.

PostingID: 93987284

Landon learns 2 new words (old post dated 8/11/08)

The vocabulary of children will always grow. They learn new words from day to day interaction with other children and adults, from books that are read to them, television, and the people that are around them.

I returned from a short underway a few days ago to find that Mr. Landon has learned two new words... Not only has he learned two new words, he used them in a sentence! It was pretty interesting to me when he used the first word:

digusting: dis-guhs-ting, di-skuhs- adj/ causing disgust; offence to the physical, moral, aethestic taste. -synonyms: loathsome, sickening, repulsive, revolting, repugnent, detestable, neauseous

Landon's sentence (as I was taking off my shirt) "ooo, yucky mommy, put your shirt back on, that's disgusting"

The next phrase came from one of the many trips to the bathroom at the restaurant to make sure he didn't have to potty. On the last trip before we left the restaurant, I had to potty. I told him to wait for mommy to potty before he opened the door. As I pulled my jeans down and got into the "hover" position, the second new word is used in a sentence that made others in the bathroom giggle:

GROSS grohs- adj/indelicant, indecent, obscene, or vulgar. Slang: extremely objectionable, offensive, or disgusting. Verb Phrase; GROSS OUT (slang) to disgust or offend. To shock or horrify.

Landon's sentece as I hovered: "Eww mommy, that's gross"

I replied, "What's gross???"

He replied, "Your boody, pull up your pants mommy!" and he quickly walked out of the stall to wait....

Kids are soooo innocent when they say things, and should be shaken time to time!

(I'M JUST KIDDING PEOPLE!!!!!!)

I love the fact that children are so very frank and innocent (wish they stayed that way) without children, what in the world would we (I) have to talk about???

Enjoy the day~

love bouquet (old post dated 9/11/08)

Since today was an early day, I called Lonnie to see if he would like to meet for lunch, he had already eaten but asked if I could meet him downtown to get something out of his car. Of course I asked, "what is it?" he said "something I got for you" (immediate excitement!) I love gifts given on unexpected days~ to me they they say, I thought about you for no reason in particular...




Lonnie's company holds an arts festival twice a year and every year for the past 9 years I say the same thing... "One day we should actually buy a piece of art".



Today, I received a piece of art by a local artist named Clayton J Singleton simply titled "Love Bouquet"



It's my own personal Love Bouquet that will be forever alive. Thank you sweetie, I truley love the thought, the gift, you...
 

More colorful words from Landon (old post dated nov 30, 08)

Sunday was for me, the last shopping day before school started. As always, Landon comes to hang out while Lonnie gets some time for himself.




As I am at the counter trying to purchase some items for Cedric. Landon is trying convince me that he needs a webkin that looks like a hairy chef. I told him to put the toy back and he kept asking "mommy, please buy this for me, please" after holding the line up longer than necessary, I tell him if he does not put the toy back I will get his legs. He walks back over to the shelf where he got the toy, throws it on the shelf, and calmly says "mommy, you're pissing me off"

many mouths around me drop, one giggle, and another says "what did he just say???" when I yell and say "Landon! get your butt over here" he asked, "are you going to spank me??" to which I reply "no! I'm going to shake you!" he giggles, I laugh, he leaves the store with a hairy chef.



Damn this kid is good~

"Mommy can I say..." (old post dated dec 2, 08)

While putting up the tree today Landon did a quick run down of "Mommy can I say"... I listed those questions below~




"Mommy, can I say; 'what the hell'?" (my answer... NO)

"Mommy, can I say; 'are you f@cking kidding me'?" (my answer... NO, ~yell at daddy if he says it!)

"Mommy, can I say; 'hate'?" (my answer... NO, that's not a nice word)

"Mommy, can I say; 'ass-butt'?'" (my answer... Where did you hear that word? he says daddy, I say NO you can't say that word)

"Mommy, can I say; 'idiot'?'" (my answer... only when necessary, since you are 3 you can not to say that word at all...)

"Mommy, can I say 'stupid'?'" (my answer... NO)

"Mommy, can I say 'What the'?'" (my answer... if you don't say hell... then yes you can say 'What the...')

"Mommy, can I say 'shutup'?" (my answer... NO)

"Mommy, can I say 'yea'?" (my answer... No, you can say YES)

"Mommy, can I say 'spank your ass'?" (my answer... NO)

"Mommy, can I say 'pissing me off'?" (my answer... NO)

My child has learned some pretty colorful words and phrases over the last few months and I am left to come up with more appropriate phrases to use other than the ones heard daily on the commute from daycare to home with daddy (yes, I'm blaming daddy!)

Children are just like parrots, mocking birds, tape recorders you name it... No matter what you say and how much you THINK they are not listening~

They are listening, and learning, and repeating....

Scary Santa (old post dated dec 15, 08)

soooo, I'm cooking dinner and Landon keeps asking "Mommy, Santa Claus is scary?" and I keep saying "no" and carry on with dinner... I finally look over to see what he is talking about and he has this santa claus in his hand (about 1-1/2" tall) I ask him where he got it, he said out of Cedric's room, and he says again, "Mommy, santa claus is scary?" I say no and he says yes he is... when I ask "Why is santa claus scary?" he says "cause he's black"


I'm confused.... i tell him to bring me santa... he brings it over and sure enough, it's a black santa clause... I know I didn't purchase this santa, and he looks pretty whacked out. Now, mind you Santa is everywhere these days and they all have one thing in common~ they are all white. I think a bit and then say, "sweetie, santa is not scary, this santa has black skin... like mommy's skin" he says "no, this santa is scary black"

I ask to see the santa again, and I ask Lonnie who gave Landon this santa? he looks at it and says "that's a crazy looking santa" and keeps surfing the net. I finally call Cedric in the room and ask. Where did this santa come from, he looks at it and says... "oh, thats mine, it was on the tree last year" (I draw a blank because I do not remember this particular santa on our tree last year) and then Cedric goes on to say. "yea, he was on and off the tree last year, I decided to paint him black and put him back on the tree this year but Landon took him before I could get him on the tree and wouldn't give him back... When i asked, "Why did you paint him black?" he just said "because he needed some color" I don't ask anymore questions. Landon takes the santa back from me and continues to call him scary santa. kids are odd~ pic of "Scary Santa" posted below...




                                                             (giggle, really small giggle)

Weekend at home...

this was a weekend of nothing more than relaxation.  No to-do list, no appointements, nothing...
My husband's friend Will and his wife Amber came down for the weekend, the original plan was for them to go to North Carolina to watch races but there was rain in the forcast.

Instead we all spent the weekend filled with food, good conversation, laughs, and a variety of microbrews as well as old favorites.






overall, I enjoyed the weekend.  It was one where I did not have to be the fake host filled with phoney smiles, and small talk to make anyone feel comfortable.  The conversations were genuine, the laughs were from the heart.  I truely enjoyed the weekend we spent with "Big Will and Amber"  or "Big Will's Wife" as Landon referred to her!!!

now that i will be home more often, hopefully I can enjoy more weekends in the company friends and family without all the pain from the fake smiles and underlying tension that comes with the uncomfortable feeling for the sake of being nice...

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Cedric...

Age:  14
Birthdate:  November 29, 1994
Favorite color:  silver
Favorite past time:  video games
Most overused phrase "I" hear:  "this is so unfair"

My handsome little boy who will one day learn nothing in life is fair, the lessons he learns at home will carry on into his adult life. 
You may not understand why we push good grades, set restrictions and rules that have to be followed daily.

You may not understand why some parents do not care if their children stay up all night, do not pass in school, talk back, act out in school, wear their clothes hanging off of their butts, or show no respect to adults... even if it is "just my mom"

You may not understand why you have to do yard work, dishes, shower, brush your teeth, earn your allowance, help take care of your little brother (even if he gets on your last nerve)

You may not understand why your step father sets so many limits, stays in touch with your teachers, harps on your grades, talks about what your future plans are in life....

There are alot of things you may not understand... Now...

You have some growing to do, lessons that will be learned.  You will hear on many occassions that "experience is the best teacher"  I think otherwise, one doesn't have to experience some things to learn right from wrong.  Just open your eyes and look around you.  Look at what is going on in your world, your neighborhood, your house.  Life lessons are going on around you daily.  Talk to your friends, read books, watch the news.  I can go on for ever about things you currently don't understand, but for now~  Just know I love you and I'll help you understand the answers to your "I don't understand why...." questions as they come.




~mom~

Mini-Vacation to Kentucky

We took a weekend drive to Kentucky to see my mom and sister and for my 20 year reunion.  The reunion was good times.  Eric Spurrier did an awesome job of getting everything together~ there aren't many men who would put forth the effort and time to plan any event for such a big group (Thanks Eric!)

On the way home I decided we would stop at a scenic spot so I could get pics of the family... The weather was cool and the stop was much needed in the end.








Mushrooms



So, as I am leaving my grandmother's house out in the country I look to my left and say to Lonnie "holy crap!  Look at the size of those mushrooms!"  There is a whole patch of these huge mushrooms in her yard that I didn't see when we pulled up...  I put the car in park, grab my camera, and get out for a quick picture.  Had to share with everyone... they are bigger than my hand!